Five.
One day I’ll write more,but for now its too fresh. The hurt of someone you had to walk away from is hard enough. you weren’t only my lover, you were my best friend and because of that it makes it that much harder. People make it seem easy, to have a standard ongoing relationship. but that seems to be the hardest for me. Love shouldn’t include a thorn like hold on each other. it should not be about cheating, or lying. but it was and it is one of the most painful things that has to be done. I wish it on nobody not even my worst enemy. to lose someone like you is a horrible horrible feeling. but i go on today like it was any other day. just hoping, for that is all i can do.
Four.
Pain pulses through me and it becomes hard to walk. My breath shortens and I cant focus on one task. I have a paper due in less then an hour and I cannot even attempt to feel okay. Used and abused I know this so well yet it hurts like a new wound every time it happens. You would think I would get used to this by now. Your not going to change and even going into the last time I knew that. I’m just waiting for the miracle cure to were I can forget you and things will be better. Day by day,second by second creeps by and I feel like I just need to hold on.just one more second…help. anyone. please.
Three.
Trying not to breaking down in the middle of the day seems like an impossible task. Simple things now seem like climbing to the peak of the highest mountains. Sleep doesn’t come easy and when it does eventually come it comes in uncomfortable ripples and unsettling frequencies. How can one person make you feel this low. Just when I decide things are looking up I reach a new low. Am I at the highest high or the lowest low?
A girl came and sat by me today,she told me I looked so happy,at first I thought it was sarcasm but in continuation with the conversation she seemed convinced that I was actually happy. It funny how you can feel so absolutely miserable on the inside and yet be mistaken for being so happy. Why is it that we are always trying to be strongest at our weakest points? I so desperately want someone,anyone to look at me and ask if I’m okay. I want to be able to tell them how horrible I feel and how it seems like the whole world has lost a shade of colour.
Two.
Back to reality and the here and now. I’ve sunken into the depths of the vileness in which you’ve dwelled in. I saw you online. your green beacon almost as a gentle reminder of all the betrayals of what has happened. I want to seek revenge, call the police I can get you arrested, but something is stoping me. The days trickle by but I cant seem to get everything out my head. The good and the bad. I just wanna break down. Someone,anyone, help.
One.
Its kind of a cliche if you think about it. To write out your own story of someone you loved, but I am no different then any other human being. I go to school, have a job, and fall in love just like anyone else. But something got lost along the way. This is a personal story and maybe a way to finally have some solace over everything that has happened. I was only 15 when we first “connected”. It was late april and I was on the brink of my 16th birthday little did I know everything that would happen between us, how we would walk in the Atlantic waves together,how we would truly beat the distance. I admit I made some mistakes along the way but I can honestly say I’ve lived up to my promise of showing you what real love is. Today is a cloudy day and everything seems hazy. I cant seem to get you off of my mind but this time I know I cant come back. Im sorry, this is for you.
Always,Brad
